Bereaved of My Person

When my mind is sick and full of catastrophic thoughts I lose my complete person-ness and I merely exist as a human being. At this state when I have completely lost self awareness I ask who that is I see in the mirror– that is not me. I do not deny that it is me; I just do not acknowledge that the object that is reflected in that mirror is a complete replica of myself. She is not Max.

My senses, I don’t know where they are or where I laid them. I don’t know anymore. Maybe my senses are just too strong, maybe they are just not functioning well or maybe they totally gone astray.

I precisely have all the parts to be whole but they aren’t intact. There is something among those parts that is deficient. Always lacking. Of course I am not the absolute person but my absolute person-ness disintegrates into languid pieces of my being floating in the sea of pessimism.

Trying to find meaning? It doesn’t have any. But each day I have to wake up and continue on becoming, trying to make sense of life. Well it doesn’t have any like this post but due to the fact that I am a person I have to create a meaning and sense of this world.


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