I Need A Clear-cut Direction

Sometimes my thoughts betray me.

The heart speaks of courage but the mind is full of logic and tragic thoughts. I am stuck in between mountains moving towards each other and slowly crashing my bones into little chunks of white matter turning it to grains as white as talcum. I am stuck between cross roads, confused of whether to take the path most have known or the other winding one that is dark, fearful and foreign to all.

The heart said “this way” and I refused because the mind presents her arguments better than the pump machine. Fat ass matter in my head said “follow little heart’s advice for it knows the best”. However, for some unknown reason, the cognitive refuses to follow leading me in a more complicated situation of what “ifs”.

I want to become free. Free of doubts, of fears, of hesitations. I want to be free of this human intelligence that deceives the shrewdness of my blood-pumping organ.

I just want to be what I am supposed to be and it isn’t easy.

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