Wednesday: Conquered

“Why do we get disappointed?” Kevin threw the question over lunch.

I looked at him perplexed with the sudden change he brought in the air while Roanne smiled teasingly before saying, “What are you going through?”

It’s normal for us to talk about some deep shit sometimes, but it only happens when we’re in some secluded place. I just thought that the noisy cafeteria wasn’t the best place to discuss topics that require some philosophical insights. Besides, I just came out of my philosophy class and I was trying to have some break from the mind boggling thoughts– yet Kevin brought it up.

I was still in the process of digesting all the ideas that my professor threw at us during class. I was still trying to take in the fact that it was Sir JC’s last lecture before he leaves to pursue his doctorate degree. It was also just starting to settle in my head that the one who will take charge of the class by next week will be Doc Guz, the department chairman. [How am I supposed to react? Haha.]

He insisted that Roanne and I answer him. Well, what could I do?

I shot a long stare at him and asked, “Did you ever cut philo last semester?”

“No. You know it’s the only subject I had no plans of cutting ever!” he replied defensively.

“Then you didn’t listen to Mr. Cool Guy I guess. He answered that question in class before. He said that the reason why we get disappointed is because we expect something. We expect from people and when they didn’t meet our expectations we suffer. If we hadn’t expected in the first place we won’t get disappointed. Do you remember now?” I said.

“And if you remember Freud’s real self and the ideal self it can also answer your query. If our ideal self is far from the real self we also suffer,” I added.

Now I am glad that he brought up that question. It reminded me of some things that I, myself, had forgotten too.

*

Speaking of expectations…

The results of our philosophy oral exam came out yesterday. I certainly knew that on Monday during the longest 15 minutes of my life I missed my shot. Sir JC gave me the thesis statement I did not prepare for. I was praying to get the one before it, but life played it’s game fair and square and gave me the one I hated most. Hurray for that!

So, during my 15 minutes of fame I just threw out all that I know and talked as if I knew what I was saying. At the back of my head I was like, “Oh shit Max. Think. Think. Come on… you have something better than that.” And because stupid me neglected that thesis statement I didn’t have any concrete examples in mind to support all the mundane and abstract thoughts I’ve been blabbering about.

Suddenly my stupid mouth blurted out SEX as an example. Before I knew it, I was fervidly discussing how Proslogion, which can be also called a prayer, is comparable to sex. [Holy crap. How did I relate the two things? ]

When I got back to my senses I realized how awkward the situation was. I was in a room with my professor discussing sex and talking about orgasm and whatnot. Worst was I compared prayer, a sacred gesture, to the sexual intercourse. (Max!!!)

I was praying not to get an F because honestly I was terrible. A D would already suffice. Hence, I already told my heart that it seems impossible for an average student like me to get a decent grade from this legendary professor.

When the results came out yesterday all I saw was the comments he gave for each student. I was glad about his remarks on me, it gave me some spark of hope that I won’t be getting an F. From the looks of it, it seemed like I’d be getting a D. (I already rejoiced because of that gut feel).

Suddenly, Emman messaged me. He told me that I was fishing when I told him I screwed up. [The hell. I really did screw up!] He was restating how I said I’d get an F when in fact I have a B. (Of course I didn’t believe him at first, I had to check it for myself. When I saw the B staring at me I shouted and jumped like a madman. Happiness.)

I am more than happy. Gosh. Out of the 67 students (total of Sir JC’s two classes), only three people got an A, five receive a B+ and four of us got a B. I thank luck for that!

*

Today, I went to the hospital with my visit-mates where we volunteer for the cancer kids. Three of the AISEC exchange joined us and I am more than delighted to have them with us. I just made three new friends namely, Abi who is a 24-year-old accountant from Canada; Gini, a third year medical science student from Indonesia; and Beau who is a sophomore majoring in international management.

After three hours of hospital volunteering, I went back to school and hid in one of my caverns– the new library. I spent an hour there just chilling with books and silence. Then I went home and did some serious yoga before Facebooking. A meal filled my grumbling stomach after I relaxed. I guess the weather loves me today, because a few hours after I had my meal the rain stopped which gave me the chance to run around campus.

A hot shower and some Yiruma music close the night.

Wednesday had been a really happy day.

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