To Myself Who Has A Different Name on Paper

It is funny how you seem like an open book to everybody. You are the most loquacious person I know of who can actually talk for an hour straight. You are also one of those few who can never hide her excitement, joyfulness, gratefulness and all those crazy stupid emotions.  You are actually the most vocal person I ever encountered, even though sometimes your tongue is faster than your brain resulting in unfiltered opinion that although true should not be spoken of.

Although you are the most honest person I have ever met who can be easily read when she’s happy, thankful and mad, I find it ironic that you never actually showed weakness or sadness in front of your friends and family. Despite the happy-go-lucky-strong-independent-lady façade that you have, I know that there is this hurricane in you that stirs like a never ending blender.

Everybody thinks you never really sort out what to share, but lady, you are the best in hiding secrets and the worst when it comes to expressing sad emotions. I understand that you have built this strong persona that everybody sees everyday because you don’t want to drag them in your sorrow, in your burden and in your bullshit. I perfectly understand as well that you think that since this is your life it is your own battle, which although correct is also flawed. Yes, this is your life and your battle but no one said that you have to go solo flight, that you don’t need a co-captain or a wingman.

No one can blame you for being scared, it’s natural; especially it is your first time to actually leave your comfort zone. No one asks you to act all mature and leave all your childish behavior behind, but you know that somehow you have to shed the immature behavior one by one and accept the adult responsibility.

It’s alright to cry and I encourage you to pour all those fears and anxieties in those crystalline salty tears. It’s fine to be dramatic and I encourage you to show weakness and let other people console you. Oh you might have forgotten, I’m the one who has a fake name not you so stop pretending that all is well in you. It’s okay to open up and to break that wall you built; it won’t be that easy and I am not saying that you get a hammer and give it one huge pound. No, it will take time, what I’m saying is you take one brick at a time to eliminate that wall you put up. It might take some time but atleast it won’t be too drastic.

As I have said, it’s perfectly alright to feel uneasy but don’t let that fear stop you from doing things that seem impossible. It’s noisy out there and it’s okay to listen to those noises, but please don’t let all the fuss drown your own voice. Just in case you have forgotten, I want to remind you that you have friends and family you can turn to. Lady, you’re not alone don’t be too hard on yourself.

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