End of an Affair

I said good bye not because I wanted to, I had to.

Several times I tried to mean the words of my parting messages but it was so difficult. All of those goodbyes came out of hate, of the yearning to just end a fight.

Those were empty goodbyes. Today, I really have to do it— to genuinely bid farewell to you and all that there was and there is between us. [I don’t even know if there is actually something between us but that was what I felt.]

It all started with “fun” in my head. I never took into consideration that I would form a real connection with someone like you. It was all for the sake of flirting. But as we share more of who we are day in and day out, I slowly became fond of you.

Fondness grew to attraction and attraction shifted into liking. I was a little bit surprised that despite being cautious I was stepping out of the barricades I built. I was getting closer and closer to you while getting farther and farther away from my great wall. [I panicked that I was starting to grow feelings for you, but emotions cannot be controlled hence my worry took over.]

I like you and sure I miss you. I will miss you even more as the days turn to weeks and weeks into months. I don’t really know how to make good byes “good”, maybe that’s the reason why I chose to attach a sunset photo in one of those last messages I sent you. The beauty of the sunset somehow compensates the loneliness attributed to it.

You see, this good bye is just like that sunset photograph I took. It marks an end for the both of us and a beginning of tomorrow.  Maybe if our situation was different I wouldn’t have to leave and cut you out of my life.

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