Category Archives: Teen

I Need Stress Balls

When hell week starts it never ends.

Funny how many people call it hell week when it doesn’t really end after a week. Well, for my friends in other universities hell week is just a week filled with exams. As for me, it’s actually a semester of blood and sweat. There are so many requirements day in and day out which for my professors are not really that much hence they give out more than necessary. Add weekly exams on the list and yes it makes us zombies.

Anyway the zombie story is nothing new. It’s been like that since first year. So yes, I had been zombie-fied! Haha.

I had pretty amazing week until Friday and Saturday came. If it’s possible to delete the 23rd and the 24th of this month I would have done it. Sigh.

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Friday, August 23, 2013

I had been studying for a week for Philosophy exam and the day has come to finally take it. I love the course but I wasn’t excited nor am I frantic about having that exam. I just wanted to get over the exam which is the boring part of the subject.

At 7:30 in the morning, Sir JC released the questions and posted it outside the department. It’s better that he released it earlier compared to before because it takes so much time to write a proper essay on philosophical themes. I arrived at the university before 10:30 so I had to pass by the Philosophy department before going to my first class of the day.

I was happy to find out that one of the choice questions is the one I’ve been preparing for. When my classes are done for the day I started to write my essay, around 1:30 in the afternoon. Since it’s an essay for philosophy class it needed more time and effort to write. Hence, it took me 10 hours to finish it and submit it to Ian (my classmate who was assigned to collect all the papers). [FB breaks, snacks, and dinner break were included in the 10 hours]. At around 11PM I was running to his place to give him my piece. It was really exhausting, physically and mentally.

The exam was outside of the classroom of course and we’re allowed to discuss and everything. But when you’re there writing your piece, you won’t be discussing. You’d fall silent and reflecting instead. As usual, people finish at around midnight in average while some get it done at around two to four in the morning.

To make it more challenging, we don’t send it to our professor by mail. We submit it to the assigned person in hard copy. Once the collector has the all the class’ papers, he hands it down to the department security guard. The papers need to be in the department before my professor comes in the following day, or else we’ll all get an “F”. Beat that!

My Friday night didn’t end with that.

It was my friend’s birthday on the 24th so my other friend and I decided we have to stay awake until 12 midnight to greet her and sing a happy birthday. When the clock struck 12, we got the salted caramel cake we were hiding in the fridge and surprised Al (which was not a surprise at all because she already saw the cake when she saw Angel and I carrying that cake earlier that night). Nonetheless, we made her smile. 🙂

We had to eat the cake of course. Hence, we went to bed at around two in the morning. That means I had to look for extra energy source for the activities I had later that Saturday.

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Saturday, August 24, 2013

I woke up at 7am and had nothing else to do but rush to the bathroom and take a shower. I’m really slow and I hate being rushed in the shower but I had no choice since I had to be in school by 8am for my recollection session. I tried to be as quick as possible, thus I was able to make it on time. [Well, I’m 10 minutes late but the program hadn’t started yet by the time I arrived].

It’s good to see that Emman, my friend, was also late. I wasn’t the only one. When I entered the chapel I scanned the heads of people to find my other friends. As my head turned 180 degrees I saw a face that I wasn’t expecting to be there at all. The first person I noticed was Mateo.

I tried to relax and pretended I didn’t see him. I took another glance of the people around when I finally saw Roanne and Hans. I was surprised that I didn’t see them when they were seated beside Mateo! [Ugh. That guy distracted me].

I had no choice but to walk towards my friends’ direction. [I want to ask Hans and Roanne why they sat near Mateo but of course I didn’t because he’s at hearing distance]. I smiled at the two of them and looked for available seats. Unfortunately there was none.

Therefore, I told Roanne I’ll just take the vacant seat on the second row in front. Before I commenced she made this remark, “You look like you just got out of bed and then took a quick shower”. I laughed because that was true. Somehow I managed to say, “Well yeah. You know how stress I am today,” before walking away from them.

As I approach the seat next to a girl, my head was suddenly lost in oblivion. My mind left my body for a good few seconds as I wonder, “If I really look crappy today”. Worse, the guy that I liked for four years saw me in such form. Haha.

When I sat on the chair I got surprised by a voice beside me saying, “Hey Max!” That’s when I got back to reality. It was Dharyl, someone I know and I am close with. Good thing she was there or else Mateo will be the single person in my head the whole four hours.

Hans texted me and offered to exchange seats so that I could be near Mateo but of course I didn’t grab the chance. What’s the point anyway? After first year, we got back to being strangers. Three years flew by since the last phone call (I barely even know where he got my number), our last interaction. After that no hello’s had been said whenever we bump into each other around the campus.

I was secretly looking at him in the corner of my eye and boy he did not change. He’s still the person I had known him. [He annoyed Hans though due to his random comments. I guess Mateo was trying to start a conversation with my friend, unfortunately Hans was being Hans].

My Saturday didn’t end there. I had to go to the community that we were working with for a community profiling. I had to facilitate an FGD with a group of ten mothers which lasted for an hour!

I came home dead tired after.

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I Got Nominated

liebster2

I was supposed to write something that’s in my head but when I opened WordPress and found out about a Liebster Award Nomination from Megan Stephenson of 18 and Writing.  I have heard of this award thing before in different blog sites but I am not that much familiar with it nor I ever thought of getting one. But thanks Megan for nominating me! This one simple nomination made me smile and happy. I always forgot that people read this blog and you reminded me that. 🙂 Thank you for giving me my first ever blog nomination. 🙂

Q&A Portion

1. Where’s that one place that you feel the most comfortable by yourself?

I feel most relaxed and comfortable in my room. It’s the only place I can freely be myself without worrying about anyone judging me or maybe bugging me. I have my bed where I can lie down with a good book. It is also the secret place where I can shut myself from the rest of the world and get crazy. It is the very place where no one can see me, a place where I can behave and misbehave. 🙂

2. Books or Movies? This is for movies that start with a written counterpart. Both is not an option. Which do you prefer?

I am a book person. There are things in the book that get scrapped in movies. For me the tiny bits that gets taken out from the novels when they turn it to movies makes a difference in interpretation. Also, with the book, my imagination gets titillated even more making the neurons in my head exercise.

3. What is your favorite restaurant- that place you can go four trillion times in a row and never get tired of it?

Cibo and Itallianis. I am a huge fan of Italian food so that explains it.

4. If given a million dollars tomorrow and were not able to spend it on yourself at all, what would you do with the money?

I never plan on spending everything on myself really. I intend to invest it in real assets, stocks, and save some in the bank so it may grow interest. I also plan to allot a part of it in charity work.

5. What was/is your dream job?

My dream job is to be a corporate lawyer in Wall Street and have some business on the side, a restaurant maybe. 🙂

6. If you could have only one soda for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Nothing beats Coca-Cola.

7. What childhood memory is your absolute favorite? And don’t say you don’t know. It’s probably the story you’ve told everyone three million times and they know it by heart. Most of us have one.

My 7th birthday party. I was one of those kids who had a really huge and festive 7th birthday party. Not everyone had that kind of children’s party in their lives so I guess that’s one of my favorite. Actually, all my birthday celebration when I was kid were pretty much extravagant. Hence, birthday parties make it to my top list.

8. What’s the best birthday present you have ever gotten?

It may sound cheesy but my FAMILY of course. I just kind of appreciated them more when I moved here in the city for college and my parents make it a point not to miss my birthday. It is really a huge effort that despite busy schedules and hectic appointments with patients they find time to celebrate my special day with me.

9.What’s the one thing you always use to put off something you don’t want to do? Like, mine is checking my email because it leads to living on the internet for hours.

Watching my favorite TV series and reading novels.

10. Favorite childhood board game? Even made up ones count here.

Chess and scrabble. Yes, I’m a little geek. Anyway, the very first time I got hold of a chess board at the age of five I got totally hooked. For the scrabble, I don’t know but I find it fun to play especially with my aunts and my parents at the age of six. I remember how competitive I was, I even had the huge lexicon beside me every time I’ll play against them so as to check that their big words really do exist.

11. What was the one thing that convinced you to start blogging?

I have a pile of used notebooks inside my treasure chest and I don’t know where else to put them. I already have so many journals that I realized I have to find other avenue where I can spill my thoughts.

*

Now it’s time to make my nominations. The blogs below are the ones I enjoy reading.

Nominees

  1. A Caffeinated Brunette
  2. Just Another Teen Blogger
  3. The Happy Lifeaholic
  4. 50 Shades of Jake
  5. Coffe & Stink
  6. Fun Girls Live Better
  7. Modest Exaggeration
  8. Penny and Polly
  9. 4thaluv
  10. getoutadventure
  11. Not a Complete Disaster

For the nominees all you have to do is follow the steps below [which practically is the same with what I did when I got notified about this thing]:

1. Just acknowledge this post and link back. (Just like what I did)

2. Answer the 11 questions I made below and create 11 questions of your own which you’ll give to those you’ll nominate.

3. Nominate 11 other bloggers and notify them that you nominated them for the Leibster Blog Award. You can’t nominate the person who nominated you. 🙂

4. Display the Leibster Award Logo.

 

The Questions

Please answer the following questions and be as honest as possible. Don’t worry, you won’t be judged. You’ve been judged already. haha. JK. 🙂

  1. What novel do you think should every person on the planet needs to read?
  2. Who is your favorite character in your favorite novel?
  3. What do you usually do when you are on your own without peering eyes?
  4. How do you cope with stress?
  5. What kind of man/woman attracts you?
  6.  What is your idea of a perfect partner?
  7. What is your favorite dessert?
  8. If you are going to be stuck in an island who will you choose to be with? Why? You are only to pick one individual.
  9. What is one crazy memory you have that makes you say “Ground eat me whole! I want to disappear!” every time you remember how humiliating or stupid it was?
  10. What makes you happy?
  11. What is one secret you have kept that you deem improper to tell the whole world. Now is the time to unload that stuff.
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An Ending Before its Beginning

Let’s say a silent prayer for the guy whose heart got broken tonight.

As the world revolves around the sun, as the moon rise above the heads of half our planet, as some of our kind party with happiness, and as some of our species dream mirthful dreams, a guy silently sits in some corner lamenting over a love that has fallen apart when it hasn’t even started.

[Okay, I just want to give it some color.]

My bestfriend Kristin got asked on a movie date by one of his guy friends from her university two days ago (Tuesday). Caught off hand, she gave her “yes”. After some time on the same day, she realized that she doesn’t want to go out with him tomorrow unfortunately she had already given him her word.

[“Max! Red alert! How do I get back my word?”]

It’s not really a big deal for majority of the population, but for college virgins like us who never experienced dating ever it’s a huge problem.

Kristin immediately texted me after the whole incident asking for help as to how she’ll tell the guy that she didn’t want to go out with him and that she was just taken by surprise when she said ‘yes’. The inexperienced me didn’t know how to respond nor do I know how to turn down a guy properly. I know I wasn’t much of a help to my bestfriend but tonight she was able to tell the guy what she truly wanted to say.

Believe it or not it took us three days to figure out what to do and how to do it. Sorry we’re just naïve regarding such matters. We agreed that she’ll tell the guy personally today that she’ll be cancelling for tomorrow’s movie date. However, Kristin wasn’t able to gather the courage to do it.

Hence, we spent 30 minutes formulating the message she’ll send Jomell (the guy). It was the most taxing 30 minutes of my life, phrasing the words and the thoughts that the message carried with it. My friend didn’t want to sound mean in anyway so we had to properly put the words together in a manner that was direct and forward yet not demeaning.

Everything turned out pretty well on our side. The guy said he understands; he asked that they remain friends and try to avoid being awkward with one another. (Well, of course they’ll remain friends. That’s Kristin wants to hear from him afterall.)

[Now you know what happens when college girls who never experienced dating got asked out on a date by someone they don’t like.]

I feel sorry for the guy. But in my opinion it is better this way that my friend had told him that she doesn’t want anything more than friendship from Jomell instead of leading him on and raising his hopes higher then letting him fall on rock at the end of the day. I am not defending the actions of my bestfriend or whatever, however I support her in what she did because I see that there is genuine love for the guy.

Genuine love. Sympathy and pity are not love. Sometimes you have to say some words and phrases that might hurt the person but that doesn’t mean it’s not love. Freeing him is already love. My bestfriend’s action actually frees them both and I think that it embodies with it an authentic love.

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Amazeballs? Not Really.

Walking on the corridor after my political science class a male voice from my left whispered in a somewhat audible manner (which can be heard by my friend on my right), “Elitist!

To my surprise it was my political science professor. He is the kind of guy you can talk to like a friend inside and outside the classroom. I was like, “Oh my God! You scared the hell out of me!” Yes, we’re too cool to use formalities. *wink*

As we were walking with my other friends, I asked him what high school he came from only to find out he came from the same high school as Emman. They got to talk about their sections during high school as well as things that not everyone will be able to relate to. Fortunately, I can follow whilst they were talking since I came from a high school that’s practically similar to theirs.

Gino, my professor asked me, “How about you? What high school did you come from?

I gave him a short and brief answer, from ***** [a science and technology focused high school in my hometown].

The reaction I got was epic! “What ? You also came from a science and technology high school? You don’t look like someone who attended such school.”

I looked at Gino and said, “What sir? Why?”

He gave me that “You-know-you’re-just-not-the-type-who-seems-to-have-studied-in-a-special-public-school-for-the-talented-students-in-science-and-mathematics.” Of course he did not say it verbally, the words though were painted on his face. I told him, “What the hell! That’s offensive!”

“You just don’t look like it,” he said once more.

He’s not the first one who said that, my volleyball coach in my sophomore year thought I graduated from an exclusive school for girla here in the city. I felt a little happy that I look like an expensive little brat, yet I felt degraded because I came from a better high school!

I came from a public high school but it is nothing like any other public high school. Not everyone can get into the school where I got my secondary education. It’s one of the high schools in my country where not everyone is accepted unless, well, you pass the exam. I might not look like the common awkward geek, I have embraced my geek-ness and I guess my being comfortable with myself made me look like a common college girl. I tell you I’m not, I am weird and unique!

It’s funny whenever people learn that I grew up in a farfetched town, away from the metropolis where there are no malls or skyscrapers. Yes, it’s a remote area six to eight hours drive from the city where I am currently staying. I like it whenever I see the reaction of someone who hears where I come from– priceless.

I don’t know why most people can’t believe it when I tell them I’m originally from a small town. Often, people will tell me “you don’t look like a small town girl”. It’s flattering because it means I don’t look like a lost child in the big city– I blend in, hooray! At the same time, it is somehow insulting for they have this stereotypical image of a provincial girl in their heads which is so 1900’s.

Physical appearance doesn’t say anything about the person.

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About a Guy

For four consecutive nights I haven’t had a real good sleep. I had been rolling and tossing on my bed, I tried everything but I can’t seem to find the perfect spot lately. My eyes would close for some time and I would feel the sleep slowly creeping in me, but then at some point some unseen energy will nudge me. My body lay still while my mind is busy with a lot of things– my body rests while my brain is wide awake.

I was trying to figure out the cause and I couldn’t seem to find any reason why this is happening. Well, maybe subconsciously I am heavily burdened with my feelings for Paul.

I just have to write it down so as to relieve myself of him– even just a little.

When I was doing my internship I have this crush for a guy I named Christian Grey. He is a wonderful and handsome guy and we get to flirt somehow. Yes, he is flirtatious and he admits it to everyone. I on the other end of the line would respond whenever he coquettes, I am indeed cooperative.

As days progressed I grew closer to the two gentlemen in our team, Grey and Paul. When I like someone it’s a little hard for me to be comfortable. Yes, I tend to get awkward [totally awkward] with someone I like. But that summer I told myself to go and grab, meaning I did try to go with the flow and tried to be less awkward than what I usually am. Besides, I set it to my mind that whatever happened during the summer will remain buried in the sand. It won’t bite to try after all or so I thought.

Two weeks before May ended Paul filed a study leave for he had to take the CFA level three examinations. Because he was one bored little punk, he kept on bugging me while he was away from the office. He kept on messaging me in Facebook asking what was happening around and a whole lot nonsensical stuff which were not related to work. He did not visit the office for that whole duration of time and slowly I felt that I was missing him. I just felt that the office wasn’t complete and my day was lacking without him. I brushed off the idea that I liked him although my bestfriend Kristin was already telling me that I had already fallen.

I saw Paul again on the farewell lunch for Lica and I because he already returned from his leave. There was nothing, no spark at all. Days passed and I never heard from anyone of my former co-workers except for Paul.

Two days after our send off lunch Paul messaged me through FB asking when I will visit the office. I jokingly replied if he missed me already because he was asking that early when I hadn’t been around for only two days.

We communicated through FB for quite some time until the day before he came to my school for his talk addressing the freshmen of my major. He came from the same university I am currently attending and believe it or not we are coursemates. I was a freshie back then when he was a senior in college but we never get to know each other because I happened to be a not so active member of my home organization where he was the assistant vice president.

The day before his ‘talk’ he texted whether I’ll be in school because he planned on giving me my check. Although I had no classes because that Friday was faculty day for us, the day when faculty members convene, I said I will be at the campus to get my readings.

That’s how the exchange of text messages began.

That night we’ve been texting about… well nothing. We just came up with a conversation, I being the one teasing him. Then came Friday, he gave his talk as I sat behind the crowd of fresh souls. When his speech ended he move towards my direction, although I am pretty sure he couldn’t see me until I approached him. I held my right hand in front of him and in a chaffing manner I spoke, “Sir! Congrats for the nice talk!” He took my hand and like little kids who did not see each other for a very long time we laughed and smiled like jesters in the middle of amused bodies. [The expression on his face is still clear in my head]

I have to be honest, that day was the defining moment of my feelings for him. If he didn’t hug me while we were walking on the brick road on the way to get my readings, if he didn’t do it twice and if he wasn’t a little physical that day I doubt that I’ll figure out how I truly feel for him.

I like him.

The exchange of messages and razzings continued almost every night. He happened to send messages at night. I would reply giddily on his messages. It brings a smile to my heart whenever he remembers me. But what makes me truly happy are the messages that were sent to tease me yet has that little care hidden secretly behind the words.

That’s why when he texted me two weeks back (June 21) at around 11 in the evening just to jeer on my display picture in FB I got so annoyed. It wasn’t because he was teasing me again, what irritated me was the fact that he texted late that night and then when I responded he did not bother to reply. He never replied. There was nothing at all.

I waited the following day. Nothing. I waited for two days. Nothing. I waited for three days. Nothing. I waited for a week. Nothing. I decided to try to forget about it. Maybe he doesn’t care anymore or maybe it’s to be ended.

Then on Friday (July 5), when I least expect it I received a message from him saying, “I wasn’t able to reply last time…” I smiled to myself as the voice in my head spoke, “WHAT THE HELL!” [Who remembers that s/he forgot to reply on someone two weeks after their last conversation?] I did not reply although I wanted to.

Of course I felt really happy when he texted. A little hope sprung within me. However everything that has a beginning has to have an ending. I want to continue the friendship but not the flirt-ship. He has a girlfriend, Mikah, and the girl is really great. I don’t want to ignite a flame that might cause a fire, who wants to be the other woman anyway?

Paul might not be aware that I am slowly getting entwined on him. I am afraid that I might do something crazy– that might ruin a relationship. I have to try to fight this feeling because it is not worth it. I am into the wrong guy.

We grew really close yet I have to start to distance myself from him and constantly remind myself that he already has Mikah. Hence, I try to suppress what I truly feel. But the more I smother the feelings I have for him, the stronger it gets.

I do hope that I can easily delete what I feel for him from my system.  It is not right.

I like him when I should not.

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