I have been thinking of you ever since that Saturday when we first met, possibly our last as well.
I was mindlessly walking with my best guy pal while looking at displays in the department store. You were a few steps away from me when I caught a glimpse of you, placidly standing among the busy bodies. I only saw you in passing and my attention got caught with the movements of faceless souls in front of me.
I was a few meters away already when I croaked the words, “Wait”. [I don’t know where it came from; I just blurted it out unconsciously.]
I felt some magnet pulling me back, urging me to stop and glance at your direction for the second time. I did. I even retraced my step to get a better look of your perfectly chiseled face.
You blinked and I realized you weren’t a mannequin!
I gasped. There were sparks and fireworks all over the place. The surrounding suddenly became all too still, no movements, no noise. It was as if I was in a vacuum with you and you alone.
Believe me when I say you were radiating, in fact you were so bright that you could light the entire building– bright but not blinding.
From a good distant I secretly study your handsomely contoured face, your brunette gelled hair, your sexy brows, your tiny rosy pink lips, your cosmic latte skin and almost everything about you. Include the fact that you were dressed in that prince outfit of yours– it felt surreal, like I was in some dream that I didn’t want to end.
I breathed deeply and touched my face to make sure that I was blood and flesh– that it was true. It was.
I didn’t want to let that opportunity slip away. There, a few steps from where I was rooted, was the man who embodies all the physical qualities of the ideal guy in my head.
Courage from insanity took over me. I know it was crazy to ask for a picture with you yet I dismissed logic and let the heart took over.
I decided to take a chance. I approached you and the guy you were with who has some resemblance with Zayn Malik. I find him more friendly and extroverted compared to you because he was the one I had a small chat with whilst you were silently standing on my left.
We took four pictures with the guy whose features are similar to Zayn. He was smiling and laughing as we take the photos. You, on the other hand, weren’t making the slightest sound.
Even though you weren’t talking, it electrified me when you put your hand on my left shoulder. I liked your touch– I felt the masculinity in it yet it was light and not frightening, soothing rather. I wanted your hand to remain where it was, but you took it back and locked it with your left hand in front of your navel.
It ended there–four photographs and a ‘thank you’ as you remained standing quietly.
As I went over the pictures in my phone, I was surprised to see that you were actually standing closer than I thought you were. I realized that I was taking too much space beside Zayn guy, and there was this huge gap between you and me which you were trying to fill in by leaning close to me. I also discovered in the other pictures that your face was resting on my head and was actually in contact with my hair. [It was a good thing that I just came out of the salon and my hair smelled like honey].
I couldn’t get you out of my head since that incident. You are running in my mind day and night.
I feel stupid for not asking your name. I don’t know what this feeling is, but I sure am attracted to you– my nameless guy.
The experience was brief but I am sure that what I felt that time when our destinies collided was something more than simple joy. It was nothing of equivalence, a ‘real moment’. It was nothing of a manufactured Hollywood bullshit– everything about it was genuine.
Your manifestation in front of me made all my friends’ claims invalid. They all believe that there is no such man who is the way I imagined. I am happy to have found someone who fits in my concept of an ‘ideal guy’– you. You affirmed the existence of the man in my head–now, the guy of make believe is not just a figment of my mind. What is painful however, is the fact that even though you exist in reality, having you is near to impossible.
If one day our paths cross again, I hope somehow you remember the insane girl in the mall who drowned in your perfection.
I have drowned and still I thirst for you. This silly desire for you will pass but your features and your countenance are already engraved in my memory.