Tag Archives: Teen Life

You Go Through Pain Alone

Why is it so difficult to share the pain when it’s far too easy to spread the feeling of genuine happiness? Isn’t it funny how impossible it is to let someone lift a piece of your burden even if s/he offered his/her hands for you because you know for a fact that you alone are the one who can feel its weight? And that no matter how much you try to find the right words that will perfectly describe how you are aching, you still fail to capture the essence of your misery? Such is the exclusivity of hurt and agony no matter how many of your friends comfort you. They know nothing anyway.

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Baffled

I want to run— to run away from here, to run away from everyone, to just run away and not be found. I wish I could be somewhere else, some place where no one knows me or have a preconceived notion of who I am or who I must become. I want to be in a place where no one knows about me and start life anew.

If only I could take away the memory I formed in the hearts of the people I made relationships with, I would conceal it so that they would not box me in this stereotype they created in their heads. If only the past could vanish and the now could be transformed into something else then maybe, maybe I would be able to look at the future in a much clearer perspective. If only I had the guts to cheat in this game I would have gone far where no one can reach me.

The thing however is, all of it are just “wishes”, “ifs” and “maybes” which never are.

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Quotable Quote

“The Amazing Spiderman 2” is the talk of the town and what better way is there to spend a Wednesday afternoon but to watch it ALONE. Yes, yes… I know that hitting the cinema on my own is actually not the best idea. For one watching a movie in theaters without any company spells out “Loser” and “Forever Alone”. Additionally, it is against the rules dictated by society that movies are ought to be enjoyed with friends or family.

Damn what society thinks. I can have a hearty laugh on my own, besides I want to be alone despite my brother’s invitation to watch Spidey with him this Sunday. (I couldn’t wait until Sunday to catch it man!) I lied to him saying I didn’t actually want to see it when I am in fact dying to. I couldn’t tell him I was planning to actually head off the theaters as we chat for I am not allowed to go to the cinemas by myself because my father is a firm believer that there can be maniacs in that dark room hence it is not safe for a lady to watch a movie alone. Well, sorry to say this but this is  not the first time I did it.

In the end I had to tell my brother I saw the movie alone because I had to ask him questions about Spiderman since he is the fanatic. Yes, he was mad that I watched it alone and that I saw it first. (But whatever).

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Gwen Stacy’s speech is really striking. Thus, I am putting it in my quotable quotes section.

“I know that we all think we’re immortal, we’re supposed to feel that way, we’re graduating. The future is and should be bright, but, like our brief four years in high school, what makes life valuable is that it doesn’t last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends. I know that now more than ever. And I say it today of all days to remind us that time is luck. So don’t waste it living someone else’s life, make yours count for something. Fight for what matters to you, no matter what. Because even if you fall short, what better way is there to live?” –Gwen Stacy

Quote Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/amazing-spider-man-2-kills-off-major-character-2014-5#ixzz31ClihoiX

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To Myself Who Has A Different Name on Paper

It is funny how you seem like an open book to everybody. You are the most loquacious person I know of who can actually talk for an hour straight. You are also one of those few who can never hide her excitement, joyfulness, gratefulness and all those crazy stupid emotions.  You are actually the most vocal person I ever encountered, even though sometimes your tongue is faster than your brain resulting in unfiltered opinion that although true should not be spoken of.

Although you are the most honest person I have ever met who can be easily read when she’s happy, thankful and mad, I find it ironic that you never actually showed weakness or sadness in front of your friends and family. Despite the happy-go-lucky-strong-independent-lady façade that you have, I know that there is this hurricane in you that stirs like a never ending blender.

Everybody thinks you never really sort out what to share, but lady, you are the best in hiding secrets and the worst when it comes to expressing sad emotions. I understand that you have built this strong persona that everybody sees everyday because you don’t want to drag them in your sorrow, in your burden and in your bullshit. I perfectly understand as well that you think that since this is your life it is your own battle, which although correct is also flawed. Yes, this is your life and your battle but no one said that you have to go solo flight, that you don’t need a co-captain or a wingman.

No one can blame you for being scared, it’s natural; especially it is your first time to actually leave your comfort zone. No one asks you to act all mature and leave all your childish behavior behind, but you know that somehow you have to shed the immature behavior one by one and accept the adult responsibility.

It’s alright to cry and I encourage you to pour all those fears and anxieties in those crystalline salty tears. It’s fine to be dramatic and I encourage you to show weakness and let other people console you. Oh you might have forgotten, I’m the one who has a fake name not you so stop pretending that all is well in you. It’s okay to open up and to break that wall you built; it won’t be that easy and I am not saying that you get a hammer and give it one huge pound. No, it will take time, what I’m saying is you take one brick at a time to eliminate that wall you put up. It might take some time but atleast it won’t be too drastic.

As I have said, it’s perfectly alright to feel uneasy but don’t let that fear stop you from doing things that seem impossible. It’s noisy out there and it’s okay to listen to those noises, but please don’t let all the fuss drown your own voice. Just in case you have forgotten, I want to remind you that you have friends and family you can turn to. Lady, you’re not alone don’t be too hard on yourself.

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The Birth of Max: Celebrating the First Year

Happy Birthday!

Wow! It’s been a year already since I created an account and established my WordPress blog. A year ago I decided to try out this site for the reason that my privacy was invaded in my other blog. Although I had a Blogspot account which by that time was at its sixth year already, I figured that maybe it was time to look for another space where there is more freedom to express myself. I wanted a place where I can hide but be public at the same time, hence the move in here.

My journey in this unfamiliar land began on February 22 of 2013. It wasn’t that easy to say good bye to my old blog and it wasn’t also that easy to navigate through this new one. Yes, I had to familiarize myself with the interface and learn the functions of each button. [I got the hang of it along the way.]

Over a one year period, this blog witnessed my ups and downs. Like some blogs, it became an extension of who I was and who I am. [It became my diary]. It might not contain the best written piece on the internet; it might not have inspired anyone who came across it; it might not be creatively laid out like other blogs; but it serves its purpose well– a haven where I can write and pour all my thoughts and experiences.

This is my little nook– a place where I can become who I want and what I want. It is true that outside the realm of social media, I am a whole different person. No, I am not pretending in this universe or in the world where I am in matter and form. It is safe to say that Max is just a reflection of myself– another me minus the flesh. But even if she’s just a mirror image of me it doesn’t make her story less true than mine. She also owns the experiences I went through and what is shared in here is also hers.

I made this blog and begotten Max not to personify my second self but to be like a glass jar or a glass box where I can put jelly beans, candies, gummy bears, cookies, fireflies, butterflies, flowers and other things. Hence, this little space and my other persona are actually clear containers where I pour all the contents of my being.

I am a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend, and other things to people. I play various roles depending on who one asks and different individuals would surely give complex description of who I am. I don’t want to be delineated in the character society assigned to me. In this performance called life, I want to evaluate myself to see who I truly am– the person that is not shackled by someone else’s definition. Thus, this little sanctuary and Max were born.

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