Tag Archives: Teen

Baffled

I want to run— to run away from here, to run away from everyone, to just run away and not be found. I wish I could be somewhere else, some place where no one knows me or have a preconceived notion of who I am or who I must become. I want to be in a place where no one knows about me and start life anew.

If only I could take away the memory I formed in the hearts of the people I made relationships with, I would conceal it so that they would not box me in this stereotype they created in their heads. If only the past could vanish and the now could be transformed into something else then maybe, maybe I would be able to look at the future in a much clearer perspective. If only I had the guts to cheat in this game I would have gone far where no one can reach me.

The thing however is, all of it are just “wishes”, “ifs” and “maybes” which never are.

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Quotable Quote

“The Amazing Spiderman 2” is the talk of the town and what better way is there to spend a Wednesday afternoon but to watch it ALONE. Yes, yes… I know that hitting the cinema on my own is actually not the best idea. For one watching a movie in theaters without any company spells out “Loser” and “Forever Alone”. Additionally, it is against the rules dictated by society that movies are ought to be enjoyed with friends or family.

Damn what society thinks. I can have a hearty laugh on my own, besides I want to be alone despite my brother’s invitation to watch Spidey with him this Sunday. (I couldn’t wait until Sunday to catch it man!) I lied to him saying I didn’t actually want to see it when I am in fact dying to. I couldn’t tell him I was planning to actually head off the theaters as we chat for I am not allowed to go to the cinemas by myself because my father is a firm believer that there can be maniacs in that dark room hence it is not safe for a lady to watch a movie alone. Well, sorry to say this but this is  not the first time I did it.

In the end I had to tell my brother I saw the movie alone because I had to ask him questions about Spiderman since he is the fanatic. Yes, he was mad that I watched it alone and that I saw it first. (But whatever).

*

Gwen Stacy’s speech is really striking. Thus, I am putting it in my quotable quotes section.

“I know that we all think we’re immortal, we’re supposed to feel that way, we’re graduating. The future is and should be bright, but, like our brief four years in high school, what makes life valuable is that it doesn’t last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends. I know that now more than ever. And I say it today of all days to remind us that time is luck. So don’t waste it living someone else’s life, make yours count for something. Fight for what matters to you, no matter what. Because even if you fall short, what better way is there to live?” –Gwen Stacy

Quote Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/amazing-spider-man-2-kills-off-major-character-2014-5#ixzz31ClihoiX

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To Myself Who Has A Different Name on Paper

It is funny how you seem like an open book to everybody. You are the most loquacious person I know of who can actually talk for an hour straight. You are also one of those few who can never hide her excitement, joyfulness, gratefulness and all those crazy stupid emotions.  You are actually the most vocal person I ever encountered, even though sometimes your tongue is faster than your brain resulting in unfiltered opinion that although true should not be spoken of.

Although you are the most honest person I have ever met who can be easily read when she’s happy, thankful and mad, I find it ironic that you never actually showed weakness or sadness in front of your friends and family. Despite the happy-go-lucky-strong-independent-lady façade that you have, I know that there is this hurricane in you that stirs like a never ending blender.

Everybody thinks you never really sort out what to share, but lady, you are the best in hiding secrets and the worst when it comes to expressing sad emotions. I understand that you have built this strong persona that everybody sees everyday because you don’t want to drag them in your sorrow, in your burden and in your bullshit. I perfectly understand as well that you think that since this is your life it is your own battle, which although correct is also flawed. Yes, this is your life and your battle but no one said that you have to go solo flight, that you don’t need a co-captain or a wingman.

No one can blame you for being scared, it’s natural; especially it is your first time to actually leave your comfort zone. No one asks you to act all mature and leave all your childish behavior behind, but you know that somehow you have to shed the immature behavior one by one and accept the adult responsibility.

It’s alright to cry and I encourage you to pour all those fears and anxieties in those crystalline salty tears. It’s fine to be dramatic and I encourage you to show weakness and let other people console you. Oh you might have forgotten, I’m the one who has a fake name not you so stop pretending that all is well in you. It’s okay to open up and to break that wall you built; it won’t be that easy and I am not saying that you get a hammer and give it one huge pound. No, it will take time, what I’m saying is you take one brick at a time to eliminate that wall you put up. It might take some time but atleast it won’t be too drastic.

As I have said, it’s perfectly alright to feel uneasy but don’t let that fear stop you from doing things that seem impossible. It’s noisy out there and it’s okay to listen to those noises, but please don’t let all the fuss drown your own voice. Just in case you have forgotten, I want to remind you that you have friends and family you can turn to. Lady, you’re not alone don’t be too hard on yourself.

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The Birth of Max: Celebrating the First Year

Happy Birthday!

Wow! It’s been a year already since I created an account and established my WordPress blog. A year ago I decided to try out this site for the reason that my privacy was invaded in my other blog. Although I had a Blogspot account which by that time was at its sixth year already, I figured that maybe it was time to look for another space where there is more freedom to express myself. I wanted a place where I can hide but be public at the same time, hence the move in here.

My journey in this unfamiliar land began on February 22 of 2013. It wasn’t that easy to say good bye to my old blog and it wasn’t also that easy to navigate through this new one. Yes, I had to familiarize myself with the interface and learn the functions of each button. [I got the hang of it along the way.]

Over a one year period, this blog witnessed my ups and downs. Like some blogs, it became an extension of who I was and who I am. [It became my diary]. It might not contain the best written piece on the internet; it might not have inspired anyone who came across it; it might not be creatively laid out like other blogs; but it serves its purpose well– a haven where I can write and pour all my thoughts and experiences.

This is my little nook– a place where I can become who I want and what I want. It is true that outside the realm of social media, I am a whole different person. No, I am not pretending in this universe or in the world where I am in matter and form. It is safe to say that Max is just a reflection of myself– another me minus the flesh. But even if she’s just a mirror image of me it doesn’t make her story less true than mine. She also owns the experiences I went through and what is shared in here is also hers.

I made this blog and begotten Max not to personify my second self but to be like a glass jar or a glass box where I can put jelly beans, candies, gummy bears, cookies, fireflies, butterflies, flowers and other things. Hence, this little space and my other persona are actually clear containers where I pour all the contents of my being.

I am a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend, and other things to people. I play various roles depending on who one asks and different individuals would surely give complex description of who I am. I don’t want to be delineated in the character society assigned to me. In this performance called life, I want to evaluate myself to see who I truly am– the person that is not shackled by someone else’s definition. Thus, this little sanctuary and Max were born.

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I Might Be a Little Late

Due to the demanding academic life of a senior student I was not able to regularly visit my blog and keep it updated. Most of my days were spent writing papers and studying for upcoming exams, but that doesn’t mean that I have completely shut myself to the world. Despite the tight schedule and busy weeks, I still found ways to squeeze some time for my friends and for org activities. I couldn’t just let school get in the way and sacrifice time with people. The trade off however is not being able to keep this blog alive. Given one week before seniors’ final exams it is a miracle that I am here composing something for my dearly beloved little space.

This story might be five days late, but then whatever.

I woke up on a Friday morning as my alarm went off. [It was Valentine ’s Day.] At eight in the morning a message was waiting to be opened in my phone. It was from Marge greeting me a happy valentine’s.

[Is everyone truly celebrating the day of hearts and roses? Is everyone truly in love?]

I went out of bed and did my routine. I was contemplating when I started getting annoyed with Valentine’s, about how overrated it is. Not so long ago, it’s actually my third favorite event of the year (Christmas is and always the first and then my birthday comes second). I would usually make cards for everyone in my family along with those little hearts and cupid decorations.

But as time passed by I began to question the importance of this “special” day. I mean, people fuss about Valentine’s as if it is such a great event when in fact it is just another ordinary day in the Roman calendar.

Society would answer me by saying, “Oh don’t kill the fun, don’t be a cynic! It’s a day to celebrate love.”

Can’t love be celebrated every day? Can’t roses be delivered at any day of the month? Can’t chocolates be given for any reason? Can’t dates be scheduled just because you want to spend time with the person? Can’t surprises be given at any time?

[Maybe I am saying this because I am single and like other single people I am bitter?]

I just think that a lot of people are just going with the flow, with what society dictates. Most are trying to be sweet with roses and chocolates because they are afraid that if they don’t participate with this trend then society will look down on them.

Since I have no one to celebrate my valentines with (romantically) I just had a simple dinner with my other single friends. [Misery loves company]. My three other girl friends decided to hit the restaurant five minutes away from my place. Unfortunately, due to the heavy traffic brought about by those couples on a date it took us 45 minutes to get to our destination.

The good thing though was that we had a really nice and talkative cab driver who amused us while we’re stuck in traffic. He is a member of the uniformed men and is currently in the city because he was called in to report at the general headquarters. As he’s off duty for the time being he decided to utilize his time for some extra cash.

I learned that he’s only 23 and been in service for three years. The man, even though he has a degree used to work in a shopping mall down south. He wasn’t originally from the city and he’s deployed in the south where there’s civil war.

I asked him what made him decide to join the army when there are other jobs out there that are less risky. He told me that he didn’t like his work in the mall because it pays little, so it’s either he look for another job overseas or join the army. Besides according to him he really wanted to serve.

As I talked to him about his work he didn’t seem fearful for his life even though it is a fact that anytime a bullet might just hit him when he’s in the mission. For him explosions, bullets and blood are the common every day scenario. The scar on the left side of his head (given that his head’s shaved) was showing. He shared the story of how he got that cut,  they were ambushed on the field and shrapnel went flying hitting him on the head . His face didn’t show any trace of hesitation or of the memory of tragic incident of the past.

[I guess death is something one can get used to.]

But then again it made me ask (not vocally), what happens to these men after they reach 40 which is the retirement age for them? They are like the pawns in the battle field that are faceless, with names unheard and unknown by the people living at peace– by people like me. Because let’s be honest even though we care about those who are deployed in the field we do not know who they are unless of course we have a friend or a family member who are part of the platoon.

Our conversation got cut when we finally reached the restaurant. We paid the fare, greeted the cab driver a “happy valentine” and left. The place was actually packed with star crossed lovers who were having their fill. Our all girls group entered the room, scanned the area and took a spot in the middle of the restaurant where there’s a free table. We sent text messages to our male friends where to find us just in case they wanted to join our feast, three musketeers responded to the invitation– not bad.

It was a great night with great people. What more could I ask for? I might not have a boyfriend to cuddle with me but then I have friends to laugh with and share my misery with who emanates the genuine love that not all couples posses.

True, it was just an ordinary day. Yet it became special, not because of chocolates, roses and whatnot. It was special for the simple reason that it was spent with people I value. I was also able to listen to a new story, a story worth carrying with me.

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